What is Your Son’s Love Language?
‘You fill a bucket when you show love to someone, when you say or do something kind, or even when you give someone a smile. That’s being a bucket filler.’
– Carol McCloud, Have You Filled a Bucket Today?
Each week in Assembly, we explore one of our ‘School Values’ and ways we can actively live these out in our daily lives. This week, as we focused on ‘Kindness’ as a way of respecting others, I read the book, ‘Have You Filled a Bucket Today?’
Occasions such as Mother’s Day provide great opportunities for us to reflect on the different ways people express appreciation and love, and what expressions have the greatest impact for our loved ones. What is the best way of filling their bucket?
‘The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the wellbeing of the ones you love.’ Gary Chapman
Gary Chapman and Dr. Ross Campbell introduced the concept of love languages in the book ‘The Five Love Languages’ and later in ‘The Five Love Languages of Children’. They said some people love through physical touch, others through words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, or quality time.
Love languages for our children are a way to understand and express love tailored to their individual needs and preferences. Just like adults, children have their own unique ways of feeling loved and appreciated.
It’s common to have different love languages within a family and it can be tricky to navigate. However, once you do learn your child’s love language, it can make all the difference in your relationship and their happiness.
Here are the five love languages for children, as outlined by Dr. Gary Chapman and Dr. Ross Campbell:
- Words of Affirmation: Some children feel most loved when they receive verbal praise and encouragement. Simple words like "I'm proud of you" or "You did a great job" can mean a lot to them.
- Physical Touch: For some kids, physical touch is their primary love language. Hugs, kisses, pats on the back, and cuddling with loved ones make them feel secure and loved.
- Quality Time: Spending meaningful time together. It is the gift of being present and telling a child, “You are important, and I like spending time with you”. Playing games and going for walks together are two helpful approaches.
- Gifts: While gifts might seem materialistic, for some children, receiving a thoughtful present is a powerful expression of love. It's not about the value of the gift but the sentiment behind it.
- Acts of Service: Some kids feel most loved when others do things for them. Whether it's helping with homework, preparing their favourite meal, or assisting with chores, these acts show them that they are cared for and valued.
Understanding a child's love language can help parents, caregivers, and educators build stronger relationships with him, enhance his self-esteem, build resilience, foster emotional intelligence and wellbeing, and promote healthy development.
By incorporating love languages into parenting practices, parents can create a nurturing environment where children thrive emotionally, socially, and psychologically, cultivating loving, supportive relationships that last a lifetime.
Peter Grimes | Headmaster
References:
How to Connect with Your Child Using Love Languages - Big Life Journal (2024) Jelena Parr
The 5 Love Languages of Children - Parents (2023)