Be Curious not Furious
Most people have heard of the hit Apple TV+ series, Ted Lasso, in which an American football coach is exported to the UK to manage a British football team. In a particularly moving scene from the show, the protagonist Ted, and the antagonist Rupet (the vindictive former owner of the team) place a significant wager on a game of darts. Taking his final turn at the board, Ted shares the following lesson.
“Guys have underestimated me my entire life and for years I never understood why – it used to really bother me. Then one day I was driving my little boy to school, and I saw a quote by Walt Whitman, it was painted on the wall there and it said, ‘Be curious, not judgmental.’ I like that.” (See the short lesson clip below).
During our staff professional development day last Monday, we heard from educational researcher and presenter, Simon de Roza (Xceptional Learners) about ‘unlocking the potential of neurodivergent children’.
While his presentation was specifically about Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, it highlighted some universally important educational principles. Over the past 4 years, our approach to pastoral care and wellbeing has reflected these principles.
As a staff, we are guided by some fundamental beliefs about supporting positive behaviour, as seen below. It will be helpful for you to be reminded of them as we work in partnership with you to support our boys.
Reminders
- There is no such thing as a bad child.
- Every child wants to succeed. Some just require help developing the skills to do so.
- Problematic behaviours occur when a child is having difficulty meeting an expectation, we have placed upon them.
- Poor behaviour is an opportunity to teach/skill up not to punish - problems have solutions.
- Fear and punishment are not effective ways to change behaviour, teach or to grow character.
- Force and control create resistance, but relationships build trust and influence.
Solutions
- Wellbeing, relationship, and connection form the foundation for students to thrive.
- We need to help every child see and believe in his gifts and to know we believe in him.
- A deep understanding of our boys is critical to successfully guiding behaviour (be curious and have empathy).
- Class teachers need to build and nurture relationships, gaining trust and respect, and guarding against erosion of that relationship.
- Partnership with parents, professionals and colleagues is critical (it takes a village to raise a child).
- Clear and consistent boundaries, predictable structures, and high expectations (personal excellence) are critical.
- Effective learning experiences appropriate to boys, sets them up for success.
- Proactive programs are more effective than reactive responses.
- Natural consequences are a part of life and important for children to understand and experience.
- When you treat a boy with dignity and respect, it changes his heart.
- A more compassionate, collaborative, evidence-based approach is far more successful than using fear, power, and control tactics.
Simon de Roza reminded us that “educational fairness is about getting what you need to succeed, not necessarily getting the same as everyone else”.
We need to be mindful that our boys have only been on this earth for between 4 and 12 years - it’s not a long time. They are learning how to thrive as they manage themselves and interact with others. As we support them, it is important to remember that the more we know and understand about them and a particular situation (the context or backstory), the better we will be able to support them.
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18
Peter Grimes | Headmaster
