Who’s In Your Tribe?
Boys benefit immeasurably from having Mentors, Role Models and Heroes
“If you can find a good mentor for your son, you are giving him a great gift.” – Dr Arne Rubenstein
Mentoring provides a powerful tool in shaping the lives of our boys, providing them with guidance, support, and a positive role model to look up to. It helps foster self-confidence, resilience, and emotional well-being.
Studies have shown that students with mentors are more likely to succeed academically, as mentors can provide the necessary support to help boys set and achieve academic goals.
Throughout history the role of a mentor has been considered vital to the development of a young man. In indigenous societies, the whole tribe embraced the responsibility of guiding their children to adulthood. The boys (often around 10 years of age) spent most of their time in the company of the men, being carefully mentored, guided and nurtured on how to become responsible, capable men within their community.
Author Maggie Dent emphasises the need to prioritise having a tribe of good people to not only keep an eye out for our boys, but to ensure they know they are valued and that they matter – no matter what.
Dent encourages parents to look at who the special people in their boys’ lives are – not just now, but who mattered to them when they were little. She talks about creating safe spaces for sons and their friends in real life, not just online. Boys need mentoring and very specific guidance to cross the bridge to manhood.
“Building a boy tribe may be the smartest thing you can do before he even puts a toe on that bridge – and that’s around 10 years of age.” – Maggie Dent
A mentor is someone who can reassure each child of his innate worth, instil values, guide curiosity, and encourage a purposeful life - an experienced and trusted adviser. A mentor provides advice and support, watches over and fosters the progress of a younger, less experienced person.
Many parents would assume they already fulfil that function, but it is also crucial for children to have trustworthy resources they can turn to for guidance outside of their parents. A young man needs to learn from men who have experiences that are different to those of his father. People such as baptismal godfathers, sport coaches, interested uncles, family friends and even older siblings come to mind as possible suitable candidates.
Dr Arne Rubinstein, describes the ideal mentor for a child as: ‘someone outside of your direct family who can support, and encourage, and be there for your son.’
An effective mentor is someone who has an interest in the child’s wellbeing and future, is a good listener, can push the child to reach their goals and can help them build life skills such as critical thinking, resilience, empathy, and integrity.
Boys need an image or a vision of who they could be in the future, and an experienced and trusted adviser to show them how to be a man - someone who can provide valuable advice on navigating challenges and making informed decisions.
Peter Grimes | Headmaster
References:
The Making of Men - Dr Arne Rubenstein (2016)
From Boys to Men - Maggie Dent (2020)
