Working with Boys Emotionally
“Balmain boys don’t cry!’’
- Neville Wran’s notorious quote (NSW premier, 1976 - a Balmain boy himself)
Perhaps the least understood area of brain difference is emotive processing … the female brain processes more emotive stimulants, through more senses, and more completely than does the male. It also verbalises emotive information quickly. Boys can sometimes take hours to process emotively (and manage the same information as girls). This lesser emotive ability makes males more emotionally fragile than we tend to think. – Michael Gurian
There is an intricate relationship between emotions and the learning processes of boys. The latest findings in neuroscience point to the crucial role that emotions play in shaping the educational and developmental experiences of boys.
It is firstly helpful to understand the structure and function of the brain regions implicated in emotional processing, particularly the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex. The amygdala, responsible for detecting threats and generating emotional responses, has a significant influence on attention and memory. The prefrontal cortex, which regulates these emotional responses is slower to develop in boys.
Considering the female brain matures earlier than the male brain, the challenges associated with expressing and discussing feelings extend throughout childhood and the school years. Therefore, parents and teachers many need to alter their expectations of the emotional responses available to boys.
Boys are less likely to pick up nonverbal emotional clues via facial expressions, body posture and vocal intonation. Instead, boys require clear articulation of emotional content.
When encountering a boy who appears emotionally upset, fragile, stressed or angry, it may be best to have him draw how he is feeling or provide an opportunity for movement or some form of physical activity. Movement is a great mediator of stress and negative emotion, and boys often convert movement into expressing their thoughts and feelings. Simply walking around and engaging a boy in conversation on anything other than how he feels will help in facilitating emotionally laden dialogue at a later point in time.
Testosterone affects a boy’s behaviour, making him prone to anger and to physicality. Boys tend to announce and assert themselves and their emotions physically. Parents and teachers need to implement character education, articulating clearly defined standards, guidelines and expectations.
For boys and girls, emotional development occurs through social relationships, and for boys this often involves hierarchies and competition. Adolescent boys may display this through risk-taking activities, especially when they are with their peers. This suggests that eliminating or even limiting competition at home or school is not in the best interests of boys. Fostering prosocial risk-taking activities can help in their development and perhaps keep them from harm’s way.
It is imperative that parents and educators not only teach boys about this amazing time in their lives but also look to develop risk-taking activities that operate safely and in a prosocial manner. Competitive sports offer one avenue, but for boys not involved with sport, opportunities to be involved in activities requiring some measure of risk is crucial.
Furthermore, the impact of stress on boys' learning and development cannot be underestimated. Chronic stress can disrupt brain function, impair memory, and hinder academic performance. Due to differences in their neuronal wiring, boys often exhibit different coping mechanisms than girls, sometimes resorting to physical activity or withdrawal rather than verbal expression.
One of the most stressful situations for boys occurs when embarrassed or made to feel inadequate, especially in front of peers. It is important for parents and teachers to remember to never use shame to coerce boys into action. Equally important is ensuring that any tasks presented to boys are developmentally appropriate and achievable. Frustration can quickly set in, and a sense of inadequacy develop, when they can’t do something asked of them. It is important to create supportive and low-stress learning environments, as well as teaching boys healthy coping mechanisms such as problem-solving skills and emotional expression.
While boys may struggle with expressing their emotions due to innate characteristics, they can develop their emotional intelligence. Parents and teachers can help boys widen their emotional vocabulary by teaching them about emotions and the labels we use for the many ways we feel. It is imperative for them to understand how emotions can influence behaviour and to provide opportunities for self-reflection.
Strong, positive relationships with parents, teachers, and peers are essential for boys' emotional and academic development. Secure attachments and supportive relationships can buffer the effects of stress and promote resilience. Boys benefit from mentors and role models who demonstrate healthy emotional expression and provide guidance in navigating social challenges.
The key for engaging in the emotional lives of boys is not to decry who they are and seek to change them. Rather, by understanding boys’ underlying neurological differences, and the behaviours that stem from them, we can foster their overall development.
By creating environments that support emotional well-being, Mosman Prep significantly enhances our boys' learning experiences, relationships, and outcomes.
Peter Grimes | Headmaster
Reference:
Oh Boy!: Understanding the Neuroscience Behind Educating and Raising Boys – Michael Nagel (2021)
